A letter to my boys...

This is a letter that I wrote upon my return to Nathan (6) and Charlie (4), and I promised a few of you that I would post it....

My dearest Nathan and Charlie,

I am writing this letter to you upon my return from The March of Remembrance and Hope—a trip that I helped lead to Germany and Poland. You stayed at home with Daddy and Meema and of course, Bea was with you both constantly.

I intended to write to you much more while I was gone but it is only now that I have found the time and hopefully, the words to convey what I experienced and what I hope you someday will learn from.

Boys, I witnessed atrocities. I witnessed the remnants of pain and suffering that I pray you know nothing like in your entire lives. What I saw traveling through the annals of history embossed itself in my heart and mind and I only hope that I can stay true to Maude, Sally, and Pinchas (our beloved Holocaust survivors who traveled with us) and share their stories with the world so that we can all bear witness.

Germany and Poland used to have thriving Jewish communities—communities with cultures that have been lost while being destroyed. Years ago after I traveled to Mathaussen (a concentration camp outside of Vienna), I remember writing amidst a cacophony of emotions while trying to grasp the magnitude of the Holocaust “who were doctors, the lawyers, the poets, the actors, the dreamers? Who were they? Who were they to be?” Today, after having traveled through Auschwitz, Birkenau, Treblinka, Majdanek, I find myself asking those very questions. But, I am also asking many more.

The mind is an incredible ally, boys. It protects us when it knows it needs to—which is why I am unable to grasp the magnitude of what I just saw. Even after seeing a barrack full of shoes—full of shoes of people whose lives were mercilessly taken—shoes of men and women, young and old, children and toddlers and shoes of those whose ages, I simply can’t guess-- I still can’t grasp it. There is just no way and it really isn’t ‘graspable’. I guess that is good that the mind can do this, though right at this moment, it feels awfully wrong.

Before I left on this trip, I was feeling somewhat selfish—like I needed to take this trip but was it fair of me to be leaving you for 10 days in order to go on a trip that I needed to take? But, in retrospect, I don’t think it was selfish—I think it was critical—I know it was critical. We must pass on the images of what I just saw and use them as a springboard to instill change in this world and to use them also, as a reminder of what humankind is capable of. This is what scares me the most. Humankind did this. People did this to people.

As I write this and dream for a future for you both that is void of such atrocities, I know that genocides are taking place right now. And, so in the same breath that I pray you don’t ever know this reality, I fear that in this world, we have a long way to go before such evil is obliterated.

We must act—through teaching, through talking, through writing and demonstrating. We must recount the past and in teaching of the evils of humanity, you, my Nathan and Charlie, I have no doubt and all the faith in the world, will show of the goodness, we human beings are also capable of.

The other night, after visiting Majdanek, I picked up the phone and called you. Nathan, you asked me if when I came home I would teach you about what I learned and about all of the places I went. I promised you I would—but since 6 is hardly an age to begin describing Auschwitz, Birkenau, Majdanek, and Treblinka, I thought I would write you a letter for when you are older. I will tell you stories at a later time, but thought that having written immediately upon my return from this trip, would serve my memory well.

With my heart and soul, boys, I adore you. Never doubt the difference you can make in this world if you are committed to such causes—Amidst a long and horrendous nightmare of history, there were courageous people who risked their lives to save many—we much follow in their footsteps and try with everything we can and with all that we are, to make a difference in people’s lives.

I love you.

Mommy

Return and Update...

We are home safe and sound... So much to write... and I will... Tonight, I will try hard to fill in the missing spots of our trip -- especially Sally's story and our last day in Warsaw.... I will also be adding pictures and videos to accompany postings in the coming days... So, check back if you wish.... MRH'ers, I miss you all so much-- already... and it hasn't even been 24 hours!

Warsaw

I am writing earlier today, as I have a few minutes after a busy day before dinner and then listening to a speaker who saved countless Jews during the time of the Nazi regime by hiding them... I don't know more than that yet, but will when I post either later tonight or tomorrow.

Today was our day in Warsaw... It was a 'lighter' day, as we all kept saying to one another... and we SO needed that... We went to the Warsaw Ghetto and to the old Jewish Cemetery which was unbelievable. Of course, it was raining.... and we walked in the most enormous cemetery that I have ever seen. Tombstones were literally piled on each other and despite enormous age old trees that I imagine have seen horrors that we can't begin to imagine, there was tombstone after tombstone. The oldest one was from the year 804.... While walking in the cemetery, we passed over a grill that blocked a sewer where people in Warsaw ghetto often hid up to their eyes in excrements. You could smell a smell that I can't describe but that was hideous and offensive. Also, numerous individuals snuck out from the ghetto and hid at night in the cemetery. In the rain, we walked through rows and rows and rows and rows of history-- and we still didn't even cover more than a tiny segment of this enormous cemetery.

We went to Janusz Korczac's orphanage. For those of you who don't know this, this man has always been a hero of mine, so seeing his orphanage was very moving. He was a Jewish man who ran an orphanage. He had many connections with high up officials in the Nazi party and they asked him to leave his children and to escape this oppressive regime. He refused to leave and they highly advised he do so, for the fate of his children in the orphanage "did not have to be his own fate". But, again, he refused and ultimately, he marched with his children to their deaths at Treblinka (where we will visit tomorrow).

Lunch was at the old city of Warsaw and then Chaim took us to a park. We were tired, and freezing cold, but he insisted that we visit the "most magnificent place in Warsaw". So, in the rain, we walked what truly was one of the most spectacular places I have ever seen. In the middle of the walk, we took off our shoes (many of us did) and we walked in puddles and giggled and laughed and took tons of pictures and laughed some more and hugged with smiles... and, it was beautiful and just what we all needed.

Okay, time to head down for dinner!! I will write more later....

Majdanek....

Today we visited what I feel comfortable calling hell on earth. What we witnessed today with all of our senses will forever be etched in the memories of every single one of us. The sight of Majdanek-- one of the only concentration camps that remains completely intact because it was the first one liberated and the Nazis did not have enough time to destroy the evidence of their mass destruction-- the sight... Let me describe. We drive down a neighborhood road and there on our right situated slightly below the road, in full view is a concentration camp-- a whole camp that we can see in its entirety-- uniformly aligned barracks and chimneys and of course, barbed wire and watch towers surrounding. And, the smell... perhaps burnt rubber, someone else said burning cedar, another person said burnt ash-- but the smell comes in waves and the smell is echoed with ashes. The feel... of destroyed tombstones from Jewish Cemeteries lining the rocky pathways... Pinchas spoke to us, for he had been in this very camp. It was in this camp that this poor man lost his mother, his father, and his twin sister-- whose long blond braid is all he can still recall of her... The memories he shared with tears in his eyes were the basics of his time in Majdanek-- but certainly, he assured us, there is much he is unable to recall. The mind needs to protect sometimes...
Immediately, we walk into the gas chambers-- with nail scratches from people trying to escape this gaseous fate...
We held each other tightly-- we held hands and hugged, wiped tears, and some of us were simply in a nearly stoic awe... Walking through administrative offices and barracks, one barrack full of shoes, another in which we saw the hard thin slabs of wood that served as beds for 800 people in one small barrack....
While walking from one barrack to another with gray layers of clouds blanketing the sky, we pass adjacent backyards of neighboring houses and watch as a young man works on his garden less than 100 yards away...
Into the crematorium-- the darkness, the dampness, the brutality could be felt-- but really, it was when we stood beside the ovens that one of our team mates let out a terribly painful cry, asking "Why?" while the remainder of us in there, nodded our heads in agreement of this pertinent question for which I fear we will forever have no answers.
We then left the Crematorium and headed up to the trenches where thousands were shot to their deaths upon digging their own graves. Up stairs to an enormous dome-like structure. No one was sure of what this structure signified, however we knew that our MRH Majdanek ceremony would be held there. And, the rain began to fall... We climbed the stairs and looked down into this monstrous hole in the ground to find a mountain of human ashes. It was around these ashes that Pinchas mourned his family as he chanted Kaddish, and Ani Maamin.
This was a day of pain. This was a day that I know none of us will ever forget and one that I pray gives us strength to teach not only to never forget but strength to teach what it is we should each remember.
We drove to Warsaw and had dinner at our hotel. After dinner, I began our debriefing by telling a story that I will share with you tonight.
When I was a sophomore in college and was studying at Yad Vashem (the Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem), I found myself one day crying after a long day of learning about Holocaust Revisionists (deniers). There I stood, overlooking the hills of Jerusalem and finally my tears came after 3 weeks of very intensive Holocaust study. All of a sudden, an arm draped over my shoulders and I looked up to find Jack Fuchs, the first Holocaust survivor to ever go through this program.
"Jennie," he spoke, "what is it? What happened today?" For his group was one week behind our group in terms of the material. I wanted to tell him but couldn't bring myself to, afterall, he suffered in the Holocaust -- he was forced to play his instrument as he watched his entire family shot and killed before his very eyes. When Jack saw my hesitation, he said, "do me a favor, and meet me for coffee back at the hotel."
So, back at the hotel, we sat together in a booth at the coffee shop while rain poured outside. "Jennie, tell me. What is it?"
"Jack, how can I complain to you after the horrors you have witnessed?My pain cannot begin to compare. It isn't fair of me."
And that is when Jack told me "Listen to me, your pain is real. My pain is real and your pain is real. Neither is more real than the other. Our pain is all relative to what we have experienced in our lives-- so today was painful for you. Let me tell you a story... After liberation, I was on a train going to a refugee camp and oh, was I in pain. I was sick in my heart and in my body... And, then I looked out the window and saw the most magnificent sunset that I have ever in my life seen. I have never seen beauty like it to this day and I did get married, and I did have children and grandchildren-- and those events were beautiful but nothing like that sunset. See it is all relative-- and I had just been in hell and then saw the sunset and nothing has ever been that beautiful. So, be true, Jennie, to your pain. It is real."
And, with that story, we began debriefing-- some read poems, some cried, some talked, and some simply didn't have words yet.
With that, I will end my description of our day at Majdanek--
Thanks for reading. I will be finishing our Birkenau day and Sally's story-- but for today, Majdanek is all I can handle writing about...

Auschwitz and Birkenau

Today was hard. Harder than the previous days have been. And, I thoughts words were incapable before today in expressing my emotions, but today.... today, is a different story.
Early this morning, we got onto our bus and made our way to Auschwitz. The day looked hazy as we headed away from the hotel, and the wind had a distinct crispness to it that you could feel drafting into the bus ever so slightly. The Polish countryside continued to amaze me in its rolling hills of beauty.
And, then we saw it-- from a distance... All I could make out was a perimeter of barbed wire and some symmetrically aligned buildings. In front of the entrance to Auschwitz, however, was a small house. This house is located on the street that Auschwitz is on and is not a part of Auschwitz. There was a front garden that had a variety of colorful plants and trees and the vibrancy of orange, purple, and maple colored flowers only confused my mind as I witnessed life in a place that I knew contained so much death.
The rain began to fall as we entered into a main building and were seated in a small theater to watch a 12 minute video of actual footage taken at Auschwitz. Piles of bodies, numbers etched in skin, starvation, mutilation, pain, suffering, and dare I say it-- hope?? Hope on the faces of those that had just been liberated. Hope for humanity-- is that even possible?
When we left the main building, the rain had really begun to fall-- hard at times-- misty at others-- and the wind was blowing, and howling. Atop barbed wire, a couple of birds sat, while high above them, a whole group of birds flew beyond the barbed wire and back-- free to come and go...
We went into barracks and while we walked we passed a room full of glasses (taken from prisoners), another room full of suitcases, one of shoes, another of pots and pans, and then perhaps the largest one-- the one of hair. Hair shaved off of the heads of women prisoners and used to stuff mattresses or to make different materials. While we stood by the hair, Lynne read to us a poem told from a young girl whose sister was murdered in the camps and whose hair was shaved and used to make a blanket.
After walking through the gas chambers, and crematorium, we headed back to the bus. The weather was awful. Pouring and cold-- and ever so symbolic.

Upon completing lunch on the bus, we had our name tag ceremony-- this is the ceremony where each person in our group told the rest of the group who they were marching for during our march from Auschwitz to Birkenau. We all walked for different people and causes-- For example, someone marched for victims of poverty, someone marched for her grandmother, someone marched for the victims of 9/11 and someone else for victims of genocide. Yet another marched for The Hidden Children of the Holocaust.

We ended up starting the march slightly closer to Birkenau than expected. But, the weather was awful and we needed to get to Birkenau to have our first ceremony which was Sally Wasserman's testimony....

We marched in silence-- four abreast-- and when we arrived to Birkenau, we were shocked. The size difference was huge between the two camps. And, I am so anxious to write more about Birkenau but I have barely slept and my eyes are closing-- and truly, I need to do justice to what happened next.... So, check back tomorrow-- and forgive me that I am so tired tonight.

Thanks for the comments and for your support. Until tomorrow....

What a day!!!

Thank you all for your amazing postings... I report to the group and let them know that people are checking our blog...
Today was remarkable-- and I felt (and feel comfortable speaking on behalf of our group) that the history is now becoming oh so much more real.... We are in Poland. The drive from Berlin was magnificent... There was grapeseed planted everywhere-- miles upon miles of what looks like rolling hills of yellow flowering plants. The countryside was vast and lush-- and the rain didn't let us down in that it seems to come so appropriately and at such appropriate times.
So, we left Berlin early-- very early because Chaim insists that we be the first bus to leave-- as Lynne so eloquently said to me today "Competitive Holocaust Education".... We are first for everything because our dear Chaim would have it no other way... So, we drove into Poland and while we were driving, we watched Maude's video, The Hidden Child-- the story of her life during the Holocaust and then she spoke to us as the hills of Germany and then Poland served as the backdrop.
We then watched most of Schindler's List which numerous of our students had never seen. Powerful.... And, Michael talked to us about about the Jews of Poland....
When we arrived in Poland, we walked around the Jewish Quarter which to me was reminiscent of the Jewish quarter in Vienna.... We walked through two old and destroyed Synagogues and then headed back on the bus. We drove past Schindler's Factory and the hill on which Schindler sat upon his white horse watching the Jews of the Krakow Ghetto. We saw part of the actual ghetto wall and all shivered as we realized the implications of those very walls.
Next, we went to Kazimierz and saw the Umschlag Platz where Jews were shot in a courtyard that now is scattered with empty wooden chairs-- and it was here that we took turns reading testimonies from individuals who saw the horrors that took place in this very courtyard. And, so the tears began to fall... along with the rain...
Back on the bus... the rain stopped...
And, onto Plashov, a concentration camp where Pinchas (one of our Survivors) was imprisoned at a time. We looked at a statue of five individuals made of enormous stone and overlooking acres of land beneath which thousands were mercilessly murdered. And, the rain began to pour.
Back onto the bus and finally to our hotel-- where we listened to Pinchas share his testimony with the group... I will write more about his testimony but not right now, since we must awake in 3 hours for our very important day at Auschwitz- Birkenau.
After dinner, we met to debrief-- and our bus-- all 45 of us, sat in a circle outside and we talked-- and we cried.. and we laughed.. and we remembered.. and we hoped...
This group is remarkable. The students are full of such life and of such dedication to this cause and to the cause of injustice in our world. We struggled with what tomorrow will bring as we march from Auschwitz to Birkenau, we struggled with images of the little children playing today where thousands were murdered, we struggled with how we will ever be able to explain this trip to our families and friends upon our return, and we marveled at the unbelievable connection that we feel with one another. There were lots of tears and lots of hugs... and I feel confident that though we all are worried about tomorrow, that we are all closing our eyes tonight with a remarkable sense of unity and comfort.
This trip is way more than I could have ever anticipated.... and worth all the work and time and preparations to make it happen.
I hope to have more time to write tomorrow-- but to you parents and friends reading this blog, know that your children and friends are extraordinary human beings and that we are in awe of all they are contributing of themselves to this tough but critical trip..
Thanks for your support... Until tomorrow....

Our Day in Berlin

Berlin is incredible-- so much so, that I find myself wrestling with the beauty I see before my eyes and the images of atrocities that I know took place in this very land on which I stand.
Today has been incredible--
We awoke to a great breakfast that reminded me very much of an Israeli breakfast with eggs, cucumbers, cheese, tomatoes, yogurt, fruit, and rolls.... Onto the bus and we headed to another hotel conference room where we listened as our very own Michael Dobkowski addressed the entire group and talked about German Jewry pre Nazi era. It was a powerful start to our day of Berlin... Onto our bus where Chaim, our amazing Israeli guide, spoke to us more about Berlin as we headed to the Jewish museum. What a museum!! So much symbolism in the architecture, and every detail of the enormous museum. One thing that struck me is that from the outside, the museum looks like two different buildings and in fact one represents Germany and one represents Judaism-- and since the architect so well articulated that there is not just one point of connection between Judaism and Germany-- and that the points of connection are multiple and too hard to name, that the buildings are connected underground through a tunnel -- therefore there should be no searching for that one link... For, it does not exist.
We then got back on the bus and had a delicious lunch in the back outside courtyard of a falafel, shwarma restaurant.
Back onto the bus and from the bus we saw Checkpoint Charlie, The Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe, and the Brandenburg Gate. We then headed (aren't you tired already??) to The Topography of Terror Exhibition-- where we saw a remaining portion of the Berlin Wall, and looked at the central institutions responsible for the criminal policies of the Nazis.
Back onto the bus... this time to Wannsee. At Wannsee, we were first faced with a magnificent neighborhood and then gardens that are unlike any I have ever seen and a villa on a lake, called Wannsee. Chaim talked to us while we sat on steps overlooking the gorgeous lake with sailboats and rowers, and with the only thing interrupting our gaze, the gardens in the periphery-- and Chaim talked to us about his father-- a man who survived the Holocaust but lost his wife, four children, parents, and siblings. It was powerful and moving and then he followed his own story by discussing Mengele with us-- the brutal Nazi doctor who performed volatile experiments on prisoners in the camps. He spoke a lot of the experiments done to twins....
We walked around the museum at Wannsee-- inside the villa where 16 important Nazi's gathered to discuss "the final solution of the Jews".
Now we just got back to the hotel and have a few minutes before 1. dinner 2. our bus debriefing 3. Maude (our Survivor traveling with us) sharing her story with the entire MRH group and then4. at 10:30pm, a Havdallah Service to end the Sabbath.....
Tomorrow we leave at 5:30am to drive to Krakow (an 8-10 hour drive).... I will write more later-- having a few issues with the camera but starting tonight on the main MRH website, pictures from our bus will be posted. (or should be, barring any major technology glitches)....
We are taking great care of our amazing group and are really becoming such a family.... but, not at all without thinking and missing all of you back home!!